"So, What Are You Doing Next Year?"
For when you want to say something—just not the thing everyone else is saying.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but asking a high school senior what they’re going to do with the rest of their life is… a lot.
We don’t mean harm. Most of us are just trying to make conversation.
You’re at the grad party, stuck in line for cake, chatting with your cousin’s kid you haven’t seen since he was missing his front teeth.
Or maybe you’ve got a pack of teens in your basement, all shoulder shrugs and snack wrappers.
It feels polite. Curious.
It just pops out—because silence is awkward, and asking “What’s next?” is the quickest way our brain knows to connect.
But when you actually live alongside these kids—when you’ve seen the stress, the burnout, the behind-the-scenes spiral that comes with college apps and trying to have it all figured out by 18—that question hits different.
It starts to sound less like interest and more like pressure.
And listen, I love a good question. I’m a chronic question-asker. If you’ve spent more than an hour with me, I’ve probably asked you something weirdly personal while you’re just trying to enjoy your weekend, like is your career actually fulfilling or whether you remember your very first memory as a kid.
But I cringe when curiosity accidentally comes across like judgment. And it happens more than we think. You’ve personally gotten the questions from your elders for years:
What’s your plan after graduation?
Do you have a job yet?
What’s your major?
You’re really not going back to school?
It’s the same energy as “Are you trying for a girl?” or “When are you finally going to settle down?” These questions aren’t bad—they’re just default. They’re lazy. (Guilty as charged.)
But teens today are growing up in a world that’s louder, faster, and a whole lot less certain than the one we knew. They’re figuring it out in real time, while we circle them with questions that sound like a pop quiz on their future.
So what if we stopped trying to fill the silence with a career question and just… connected?
Here’s a better list. No résumés required.
For kids you don’t know that well (yet):
You don’t need to ask where they’re going to college next year. Try this instead:
So fill me in—what’s the deal with all this AI talk? Are you using it? What do you think people my age don’t get about it?
What kind of music are you into right now? Are you doing the records/tapes/CDs thing too? Do a lot of your friends still use streaming/do you? Why or why not?
If you’re working this summer—saving for anything fun or just general life stuff?
If you could live in any other country (or just another part of the U.S.), where would you go and why?
What’s something you think people my age are doing that’s totally cringe?
Got any solid TV recs? I’m out of ideas.
What’s your favorite place to eat or hang out these days?
If you had to teach a class to adults, what would it be?
These invite stories, not résumés.
For the kids you know and love (your own, or the ones who trust you):
What’s something that used to feel like a big deal but doesn’t anymore?
Is there a new interest or idea you’ve gotten into this year that surprised you?
What’s something about you that you hope never changes?
What do you wish people would stop asking you?
What kind of life do you want—like, actual daily life, not just a job title?
When do you feel most relaxed? Most proud?
If you could press pause on one part of life right now and keep it forever, what would it be?
What do you think adulthood should look like?
Is there anything that you wish I’d do to support you differently?
Is there anything you’ve been wanting to tell me that you haven’t had the guts to yet? (brace yourself.)
Have I ever told you about the time you….(memories about them are always the best….)….Do you remember that? What do you remember?
Here’s the thing. We don’t want to be that person. But sometimes, without meaning to, we are.
So yeah, let’s be curious. Let’s care. Let’s keep asking questions.
But maybe not that one.